I sat down just now to try to write in my journal about why I want to write, if I do indeed want to do so. Before starting I looked to see if I’d written about this previously. Turns out I had 5 months ago. I know it must have been written by me, but it really surprises me that I said this in this way.

I do recall doing an exercise offered in a book by Arnold Mindell where I encountered hot, bubbling mud; so it must have come from that. Gotta go back and have another look at that book and what happened with that exercise. Anyway, here is what I wrote–better late than never:

2024-08-08

I want to write so that I can think things through. My mind is like a mud pot, bubbling, yet still mud.

Mud can be made into clay. Formed and solidified. It can even be painted.

Hot bubbling mud has energy. It is comforting for a sore body.

There is not a form to it. I sticks to things, clings until it is washed away. But if there is something there caught in it–something of value–it would be good to capture that goodness.

No need to take all of that mud. There is a never-ending supply, but we only need a bit of it at any one time. That is what I want to take and form and maybe paint. I want that bit to be seen clearly so that it can be usefully recalled.

And yet, I do not want total clarity. I want to keep the feel of it. The feel of that which bubbles up–the bubbling feel that is what first catches the eye or the heart. I don’t think I can do that. I’m not such a writer. But to get some bit out of my muddled mind as it bubbles to the surface and pops in the air would be nice.

That all sounds lofty. I’d better start small and maybe even stay small. We’ll see what is there, but we will only see it if I actually write. Like I’m doing now.

I want to write it for me. Did I say that before? Well, I say it now and I mean it. I write it for me. And it will be enough for that. Perhaps some can be shared. We’ll see.

So what could I write about? I suppose I’ll have to make note of ideas as they come. Right now I don’t have any thoughts. This is enough for today.